mix-related ruminations

Dang, just my second day doing this and I'm already doing a last-minute entry before bed. I've gotten distracted today because I've been making mix cds for a swap with some friends from school. Once I start making a mix I get really focused on it and obsess over all of the transitions and stuff. Recently I made a mix for someone I had a crush on and I spent hours on it every day for almost a week, and didn't even give it to my crush until weeks later.

But crush mixes are always the worst. I get extra intimidated, of course, but I also get a complex about not including anything that sounds too sexy or mushy because I'm afraid it'll be obvious how I feel. I guess there's the method of actually declaring your feelings through a mix. I've never done that, I just send mixes with impossibly subtle undercurrents of repressed feeling. But I think I might have given people mixes that seemed flirty, because if I only want to be friends I feel totally free to put all kinds of love songs and scandalous material on a mix. It's part of a larger tendency in my life, where I can't seem to flirt effectively when I want to but end up seeming flirty to people when I least expect it. Luckily I don't have to worry about that with these folks as everyone else in this group is a) in a committed relationship and b) only into dudes.

I also have a bit of a confession to make about mixes. Sometimes when I'm looking for stuff to put on a mix I end up listening to something I've had for a while but haven't listened to much. So in the process of recommending something to someone else I discover it myself. I find it embarrassing to admit this, but I imagine it must happen to other people too.

There's certainly more I could say on the subject, but I'd better get to bed...